


High Speeds

by TwelveRosesOfItaly



Series: The Bumps in the Road Make a Perfect Story [3]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-02-26 10:05:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18714826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwelveRosesOfItaly/pseuds/TwelveRosesOfItaly
Summary: Clarke and Lexa have been dating for four months and its starting to get serious. Clarke's past makes her hesitant and considers distancing herself from Lexa, but when an accident almost ends a life, will Clarke still hesitate or will she finally let herself be happy.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning: Brief mention of past abuse

You can taste the bitterness from the whiskey on her tongue as it strokes into your mouth. She’s pinned you against the door to your apartment and you can’t think of anywhere else you’d rather be. Your hands are in her hair and you tug until she is forced back. Her pupils are dilated when she slowly opens her eyes and you’re both trying to catch your breath. 

You’ve been dating for four months and you know you’re falling for the green-eyed goddess who is currently getting handsy in the hallway of your apartment building. God, you love her. You think you should tell her, but you’re quick to dismiss that thought. You’re not ready. You don’t think you will ever be ready. You’ve given up on that. You’ve been burned by that shit in the past. You don’t want to fuck this up. You just want things to stay the same. Well, maybe a few things could change, like Lexa’s clothes. Those need to go.

You turn to unlock your door as Lexa’s hot mouth attaches to your neck. You curse as her teeth graze your ear and your knees nearly buckle as her hands make their way to the front of your thighs dragging your dress up as they rise. Finally. The door swings open as you reach behind to tug Lexa forward. The door is slammed back as your lips find her throat. One of you moans and you’re in heaven. 

The rest of the night is a blur. Clothes are torn off as hands and mouths are everywhere. Its hot and you know you’re going to be deliciously sore tomorrow. You wake up the next morning at an ungodly hour as Lexa presses a gentle kiss to your forehead. You’re about to open your eyes when Lexa whispers she loves you. You pray you don’t react and you must succeed because you hear the door of your apartment shut moments later. 

You lay there in a shock for a bit. You can’t believe Lexa just told you she loved you. You wish you had the courage to open your eyes and tell her you love her too. But no, you’re not ready for that. Maybe you should put some space between you and her. You’re not ready for love again. Your heart aches at the thought of distancing yourself. You think you love her. You know you do deep down, but you can’t get hurt like that again. 

Lexa left before you woke up this morning because she’s planned a road trip with Raven. They’re taking their motorcycles out along the coastline, something they do a couple times a year apparently. That gives you a few days of physical distance from Lexa and you can dodge some calls and be short in texts. You feel like crying at your plan but you remember what it was like the last time you let someone love you. You won’t go through that again. You can’t. Your bruises may have faded but the memories are still fresh.

You shake it off. You smell bacon and know that Octavia is up. You hurry to shower because knowing O, she’ll make enough for you both but eat it all anyway. You force your thoughts away from Lexa and get ready for the day.

Octavia is dancing to music and doing the dishes when you enter the kitchen. A plate with an omelet and bacon is set out for you as well as a cup of coffee. You make a pit stop at the fridge to grab some creamer and kiss O on the temple. She turns and smirks at you and you immediately know where this is going. You start regretting your actions of the night before.

“So, Clarkey, you and the hottie made quite a bit of noise last night,” Octavia says with a grin. “I was also interested to find your bra in the middle of the hallway. All I can say is, nice.”

You roll your eyes at her comments. “You’re as bad as your brother, O, like a thirteen year old boy.” 

“Oh, whatever. So, how is Lexa? Girl looked gorgeous when she came to pick you up. I had myself wishing she was my date when I answered the door. Instead, I went out with a dud. Some guy named Quint.”

“Back off, O. Speaking of your dating life, the party we went to last night was for Lexa’s cousin, Lincoln. I think you would really hit it off with him. He’s definitely attractive and seems really sweet.”

“Yeah yeah, that’s great and all, but I want to hear about your fine piece of a…” states Octavia until she is cut off by a piece of bacon hitting her forehead. She picks it up off the counter and glares at you while she eats it. 

“You know, you’re pretty territorial over someone you won’t officially commit to, Clarke.”

“Lexa and I are exclusive, but you’re right, we haven’t called ourselves girlfriends. I’m just not there with her yet. Its still too new. I’m actually thinking about taking a step back from it all,” you finish weakly as you look down at your empty plate.

“Clarke, not everyone is going to be Finn. You deserve happiness and Lexa makes you happy. That girl would do anything for you, I can tell. Don’t shut her out.”

“I’m scared, O. She seems to really lo-care about me and I just can’t allow myself to go there yet. It’s only been four months.”

“I know its only been a few months, but you and Lexa’s chemistry has chemistry. You barely go more than three days without seeing each other and you’re in constant communication. Not to mention, your gallery is filled with portraits that look just like her. Have you shown her your art yet?”

At the shake of your head no, Octavia is sighing and pinching the bridge of her nose. “Listen, I get it. I was there with you for every step of Finn. I’m sorry I didn’t catch it sooner. But you are never going to go through that alone again. I won’t let it happen. Lexa is a good person. I’ve already run two different background checks on her,” Octavia states as she moves towards the living room.

You smile at Octavia’s dedication to protecting you. She got a job with the Polis Police Department as their youngest detective for the 12th precinct and has taken to running background checks on anyone who even looks at you the wrong way. When you asked her to move across the country with you to Polis, she agreed immediately. You do wish she didn’t feel bad about catching the Finn thing though. Even you didn’t know he was capable of such violence until the first hit came glancing across your cheek. After that first strike, you still found yourself explaining it away not believing your floppy-haired charming boyfriend could turn into your worst nightmare.

Your phone vibrates against the counter and you glance at it. It’s from Lexa. You read it and immediately wish you hadn’t. Why is she so sweet.

Lexa: Good morning, gorgeous. I struggled to leave your bed this morning. I wish I wasn’t going to be gone for four days with this idiot. I miss you already. I’ll call you after our first stop. Have a good day, babe. 

A selfie taken by Raven with Lexa in the background next to their bikes accompanied the text. Damn, Lexa looks good. You’re scared to death of her bike, but you can appreciate the outfit she wears when she rides. She’s taken you once and you loved and hated it at the same time. You did make her promise that she always wears a helmet though.

You decide not to respond already putting your plan of getting space in action. With a heavy heart you grab a few things, say a quick goodbye to O, and head to your gallery. You need to come up with a new muse. You can’t just keep drawing an aspect of Lexa repeatedly. Last week it was her hands. So many sketches of her hands fill your sketchbook. You decided you love her hands. The week before that it was her neck and jaw line. You became obsessed with tracing it in charcoal and then later running your tongue and lips over the real thing. But no more. You need a range of pieces for your upcoming show. You’ve got multiple artists being featured and as the host you can’t just have one subject, no matter how attractive that subject is. 

Five hours later and you’ve given up. You’re not even trying at this point, you think, as Lexa’s eyes seem to jump off the canvas and stare into your soul. You even took the time to mix several paints until you get the shades of green just right. 

Lexa’s called once and texted twice. You ignored it all as you stayed strong and avoided communicating with her. Truthfully, you don’t know what you’re doing. You’re scared of wanting more, but you don’t want to end things either. You can’t move too fast and find yourself in an abusive situation, but you also don’t want to play games with Lexa. She doesn’t deserve that. The guilt and confusion is weighing on you, but for now, Lexa is traveling and you can maintain some distance and therefore control in your life. You having control is crucial for you to feel safe and secure.  
Two days and not much has changed. Lexa has picked up on your mood though of that you’re sure. You finally started responding, but were short with her. She’s backed off and seems a bit hurt. You want to cry at the thought of upsetting her. When you’re in bed at night you replay her kissing your forehead and telling you she loves you before she left. You allow yourself to feel safe and loved and remember her embrace. You allow yourself to imagine a future with her. You allow yourself to say ‘I love you’ back. 

Two days after Lexa left you get a call from a number you don’t recognize. When you see a random number pop up on your screen, your first thought is that Finn got a hold of your number. You decline the call and consider blocking it. The same number calls four more times and you’re convinced Finn’s found you because this obsessive calling is definitely a move of his. You go to block the number, but before you do, two texts from it comes through. After reading the texts, you wish it was Finn. 

Unknown: Lexa and Raven crashed. Hospital. Critical. Two hours away. Leaving now. 

Unknown: Its Anya, btw.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get to see what Lexa and Raven have been up to

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mostly Lexa's POV, but a small part from Raven's POV

LEXA POV

You slip quietly out of Clarke’s apartment and take a deep breath. You’re not sure what possessed you to whisper an ‘I love you’ to the woman you can’t seem to get enough of, but you’re surprisingly okay with it all. Its not like you said it to her when she was awake. Now that would have been disastrous.

Its not that you’re not ready to commit. If it were up to you, Clarke would be your girlfriend already and you would be free to tell her you love her whenever you want. But after four months of dating and getting to know Clarke, you’re very much aware of just how not ready she is for that step. There’s something in Clarke’s past that makes her hesitate and that’s okay. You are prepared to take it as slow as she needs. You love her after all. Her comfortability is more important to you than scaring her off with your declaration of love. She might not even feel the same way. 

Oh well, you sigh as you make the short walk back down to the main strip in Polis that hosts the bars and clubs that make up the night life. You had picked Clarke up and driven to Grounders to celebrate your cousin’s birthday last night. After too many drinks to be safe to drive, some dancing, and subtle touches, you both decided to walk back to Clarke’s apartment. You definitely can’t complain with how your night turned out. It was pretty incredible and you’re only a little mad that you had to wake up so early and leave the sleeping blonde’s warm bed. 

You couldn’t stay though no matter how much you wanted to. Raven was counting on you. Twice a year, you and Raven take your bikes out on a four day trip up the coastline. Two days of driving north and stopping whenever you want and then two days making the drive back. You and Raven started this the very first year you got bikes. At first your bikes were real clunkers that Raven, being the brilliant mind that she is, pieced together from various different bikes.

You were seventeen the first time you made the trip. Back then the trip was to escape a terrible foster parent, Titus. You had a busted lip and Raven sported an impressive black eye. Now, you and Raven ride because you love it and you both have nearly identical Ducatis. Yours is matte black and Raven’s is a sleek, dark gray. You bought them both and gifted Raven’s to her as a congratulations for signing a job contract with NASA two years ago. 

You smile as you make your way to your car at the memory of Raven receiving her Ducati. Its nice now that you both have money. You remember times when neither you nor Raven couldn’t even afford a proper meal. You’re brought out of your musings of the past by a rev of an engine. You had just reached Grounders parking lot when Raven comes flying through and stops by your car. You shake your head as you say, “You know, the average acceptable speed for a parking lot is around 12 miles per hour, Rae.”

She simply grins in response as she shuts the bike down. She mumbles something but you don’t catch it as she hasn’t bothered to take her helmet off yet. At least she’s wearing a helmet, you think. You and Raven have a horrible tendency to ‘forget’ your helmets when you’re riding around Polis. Anya must have given her another nasty talking to, you chuckle to yourself. Those two love a good argument. They also love to make-up or at least that’s what Raven often tells you with a wink as if she isn’t talking about your sister. For the coastline trips though, you both are always sure to wear a helmet. Safety is important and all that. 

“Please tell me you’re not hungover and we have to start the ride later. I watched you all night. You only had three, four, five old fashions tops! You know I love a good early morning ride, Lex!” Raven whines as she takes her helmet off. You roll your eyes at her petulance and proceed around to the driver’s side of your car.

“No, Rae. I am not too hungover. You’re an hour early, by the way. I just need to run home and grab my bike. My bag is packed right here,” you say as you point to the trunk.

“Fine. I’ll meet you there. Try not to drive too slowly,” she says as she pulls on her helmet.

And just as quick as she pulled up she’s gone again. You shake your head as you start your car to follow. You get home in ten minutes and aren’t surprised to see Raven has taken the liberty of opening your garage and getting your bike out for you. You park the car and pop the trunk so you can grab your bag. You lock up everything and send a quick text to Clarke about calling her later and include a picture Raven just forced you to take before you put your phone away. 

With your helmets and backpacks in place, you and Raven are off on your newest adventure. You ride for a couple of hours before Rae complains in your ear that she’s hungry for the third time. Your helmets are equipped to communicate back and forth which is both a good and bad thing in your opinion. You stop at a diner in the middle of some small town and decide to call Clarke. Raven goes inside to grab a table and order some food, but you’re more interested in talking to Clarke. You’re a little disheartened that she hasn’t responded to your text yet, but you try not to let that get to you.

Damn. Straight to voicemail. That’s not entirely uncommon for her. Clarke often turns her phone off when she’s painting in her studio that’s connected to the gallery she owns. You pocket the phone and head inside.

"So, how are you and the blonde? It's been four months, make it official yet?” Raven asks when you take a seat.

"I don't know, Raven. It's been four years for you, put a ring on my sister's finger yet? 

You both scowl at each other. Neither of you are great about talking about your own feelings. Raven becomes more sarcastic and sassy the more anyone tries to get her to open up while you go quiet and stoic. You guess years of being in the system and being told feelings were weakness repeatedly will eventually stick.

"Okay, you raise a fair question. I actually wanted to talk to you about that..." Raven trails off nervously. "It's just, you're my best friend, Lex. I know you said it wasn't weird when I started dating your sister, but I would understand if you didn't want it to go any further."

Between your best friend looking so uncharacteristically nervous and the topic of conversation, you're stunned into silence. Raven must take your silence as a bad thing because her nervous rambling continues.

"Look, when we were in the system and you were the new kid whose big sister left you all alone, I remember holding you while you cried that first year. I remember us blaming Anya because she was fourteen at the time and we were so young, but we thought she could have done something. For years, you were angry with her. And then she came back for you with your aunt and uncle, but we were seventeen then and already angry at the world for the hand we'd been dealt. It almost took you two years before you would finally open up to her and I don't blame you. I just," Raven blows out a breath before she continues, "I fell for Anya trying to help her piece back your relationship with her. You two are always happiest when you're on good terms, but you never really reacted to me and her. You just calmly and stoically accepted it like you do so many other things that have happened to you in your life. But I need to know you're okay with this. Before I buy that ring, I need to make sure you accept this. Me and her. I can't do it without you," Raven finishes as she plays with a straw wrapper and avoids your stare.

You're stunned. You had no idea that Raven thought all that this whole time. When Raven and your sister got together, you were happy. You did spend much of your juvenile years pissed that your big sister was gone, but it wasn't Anya's fault that she was separated to a different, happier home. It wasn't her fault, but Raven's right. For years you felt abandoned by Anya. But your eight-year old mind just couldn't understand why your sister didn't stay with you or fight to take you with her. But as for Raven dating Anya? You couldn't be happier with that. You thought they both knew that, but maybe you haven't been as clear as you thought.

"Rae, you know I love you. And I love my sister. I'm happy she has you and you have her. You two are the best people in my life. If you want to marry my sister, then I will be the happiest person at that wedding in attendance. Just don't fight over whose side I stand on, please," you smirk at the thought. Actually, that could be a pretty ugly fight the more you think about it. 

As if validating your thoughts, Raven scoffs, "As if you wouldn't be standing by my side. I'd like to see Anya try and take you from me."

You roll your eyes and begin to eat as you and Raven continue light banter back and forth. When the bill is paid and you head out to your bikes, you can't help but check to see if Clarke has responded. She hasn't, but that probably just means she's in the zone and working on a piece. You try not to read into the silence and slide your helmet in place as you start the bike back up. After a quick fill at a gas tank near highway that follows the coast, Raven takes off and you're quick to follow. 

A day and a half later and you've reached the point where you turn around to head back home. Raven and you made a stop at a lighthouse you discovered years ago. The beach surrounding it is usually deserted and Rae says its the best spot to end your ride. Currently, you're both in shorts and a t-shirt enjoying the last few rays of sun, but you're anxious to get dressed and make the ride back home. Something is wrong with Clarke. In two days she's sent two texts and a total of five words. 'Have fun' and 'Can't talk now' is all you've gotten from the blonde. You're struggling to remember why you thought dating was a good idea again. Maybe its just not in the cards for you. Maybe she was right after all and you don’t deserve love. But its too late now, you've fallen for the blonde and you're determined to get to the bottom of this. 

Raven can spot your anxiety a mile away and doesn't linger with her toes in the water any longer than necessary. After a quick rinse and putting your travel clothes back on, you're racing back to Polis in no time. On the way back down the coast you take more scenic routes. Less highway and more curvier roads are in your near future. Its a slightly longer journey back, but you can't beat the views. You have no idea that in just two hours later your and Raven's life will change forever. 

You're in a particularly curvy stretch of road that you and Raven tend to drive way too fast on. You're laughing as she challenges you to a race, but you can't help but respond to the taunting tone of her voice. You pull up even to her and she mentions you'll race to the bridge over a river coming up in 5 miles. You give her a thumbs up and take off. The roads are empty and dusk is fast approaching, but you're in heaven. You wish you could feel the wind in your face despite knowing how unpleasant that would be on your hair and your eyes. Raven's barely behind you as you slow down for a nasty curve coming up. You make the turn and are even again. Raven's whooping for joy and you see the bridge coming up. Prior to the bridge there's a significant down hill before you come back up even and head over the river. You're on the uphill just before the bridge when you see lights peak out from the top. Fuck. You're going too fast and as you go to warn Raven, her bike lurches forward with her yelling in your ear about taking the lead.

You watch in horror as a box truck that was taking up the entire bridge swerves. Raven also swerves and you watch her fly off the bridge. You’re not sure which one of you screams. You had slowed significantly at this point and are so focused on your friend whose falling to the water below that you don't notice the truck is trying to overcorrect its first swerve and is headed right towards you. 

Shit. You can’t avoid a collision. It’s too late. The truck clips you and you’re blasted to the side. You think of Clarke as you fall. You register you’re going to hit the water, but mostly your thoughts are of Clarke. You hit the water and your helmet bashes off some rocks. Damn. You wish you had landed in a deeper part of the river. You should look for Raven, you think, right before you black out.

———

Raven POV

You come up for air and register your leg’s broken, probably in three places if the pain in various areas of your leg is anything to go by. Your bike is submerged under water with the light still working. Son of a bitch. You loved that bike. You’ll make Lexa buy you another one. Shit! Where is Lexa? You have to find her. 

Its dark now and you can’t see shit. You check your riding jacket for your phone. Its shattered. Of fucking course. You throw off your helmet and starting screaming for Lexa. You’re sitting in shallow water and you’re starting to shiver. The suns gone down and the night air has a chill to it. You can’t stand. Of that you’re pretty fucking sure. You have to though. You need to get out of the water and you need to find Lexa. You drag yourself towards the shore and feel like screaming so you do. The pain is nearly unbearable but you have to find Lexa. 

You make it to the bank and find log to help you try and stand. You manage after a lot of cursing and deep breathing. Now that you’re standing, you have a better, although not great, view of the river and the banks. You can’t see anything resembling Lexa though. What the fuck are you going to do? You take a look around and see another bike. You feel lucky since it’s close to the waters edge on the same side as you. 

You find a stick that is entirely too short to truly be helpful and hobble down the river to Lexa’s bike. When you get there you notice its completely wrecked and half submerged in water. It’s rider is nowhere to be found. You found her backpack though. Lexa doesn’t keep her phone in her jacket like you so you quickly search her bag for it. The phone appears to still work. You make a call to 911. 

 

\---Six hours later--

You’re in the hospital all alone. You’re out of surgery and pretty drugged. You wanted to stay until they found Lexa, but they insisted you leave immediately. Problem is, they can’t find Lexa. The box truck driver crashed as well, but didn’t fall to the river. He just went off the road and hit a tree. The ambulance found him first and he claimed he hit two bikers and they both went off the bridge. So she fell too and is probably in the water. They did a quick search of the area and claimed it was too dark. They’re supposed to try again at first light. 

They asked if you wanted to call someone a couple of hours ago, but you said no. You don’t know what to say to Anya. ‘Sorry I challenged your sister to a race and we were in an accident and now I think she’s dead' doesn’t sound like something you’re ready to admit. But you can’t put it off any longer. With tears running down your face, you grab the room phone and make the call. 

“Babe, I need you to get to the hospital outside of Arlington. There was an accident. It’s Lexa.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Anya arrive at the hospital where more regarding Lexa's condition is revealed.

You hate hospitals. Your mom was a doctor and you practically grew up in them. But when your dad got sick and you spent most nights of your senior year of high school beside his hospital bed, you grew to hate everything about them. The fluorescent lights. The smell. The food. The random beeps of monitors. Everything. Now you’re walking in to one with Lexa’s sister by your side. 

After receiving the texts you immediately called Anya and begged her to allow you to come. Turns out, she was already outside your apartment complex. You threw a few things together in a bag as quickly as you could, grabbed an old college sweatshirt, and ran outside to meet her. The drive was silent at first. You bounced your leg and tried to hold back your questions because Anya didn’t seem to be in the mood. 

After half an hour she started talking. You were content to listen. Afraid that if you asked questions she would stop suddenly. She had nothing good to say. 

“Raven was taken to Arlington hospital because they specialize in some work that needed to be done regarding her leg. She’s broken a leg in three places, dislocated her shoulder, cracked three ribs which caused a lung to puncture slightly, and she has a concussion. Her helmet saved her life and she often doesn’t even wear it. Her and Lexa both have a habit of not wearing their helmets.”

Anya was silent for a minute and continued to stare at the road with a blank look on her face as she drove way over the speed limit. The helmet thing surprised you and you made a mental not to yell at Lexa later after you got her in your grasp and never let her go again. You were also acutely aware Anya had said nothing regarding Lexa’s condition and you felt like ripping your hair out and demanding answers when she finally started talking again.

“Raven told them there was no-one to call at first. She went through with the surgery and still didn’t have them call me. She didn’t want to talk to me. She didn’t want to tell me. She didn’t want me to know that her and Lexa fell off a bridge into the water.”

You gasped at this. They fell off a bridge? What the fuck happened? What happened to Lexa?

“She didn’t want to tell me that they can’t find my sister. They found her bike and they found her backpack. They can’t find her. They think the current of the river took her downstream somewhere. It was dark. They were to begin searching this morning at first light. I haven’t received a call yet.”

You finished the drive in silence with tears running down both of your faces. Nothing more was said until you reached the hospital. And now, you’re rushing in to the hospital and Anya is demanding answers from the poor guy at reception. 

“I need to know which room Raven Reyes is in, please. And can you tell me about her condition or point me in the direction of her doctor. I need to speak with him and any first responders that brought her in.” 

“Hold on, ma’am. I need your name and relation to the patient before we can talk details.”

“I’m Anya Woods and its my girlfriend. We don’t have time for any bigotry. Just give us all the information you have.” Anya all but snaps at the poor man. Although, he seems fairly unperturbed by the whole exchange, but recognition flashes across the man’s face at Anya’s name.

“Woods? And you’re here for Raven Reyes? I was told to keep an eye out for you regarding your sister, Lexa Woods. Do you want an update on her as well?” 

At that you push forward to the desk, “Lexa’s here? How is she?” Beside you, Anya seems frozen. You can relate. You’re nervous about what you might hear. 

“Yes, she was brought in an hour ago and was taken into surgery immediately. Her current condition is critical. I don’t have any particulars, but I was told to send a doctor to you in the Reyes room when you got here. Follow the blue line around the corner to the elevators. You’ll want floor seven, her room is to the right, number 703. Best of luck.”

You both start moving before he can even finish his statement. The elevator is slow and you’re trying to take deep breaths to calm down. There’s good news. Lexa was brought in. Alive. That’s great. Ever since Anya told you they fell off a bridge into a river and couldn’t find Lexa, you feared the worst. But no, Lexa was alive. She was in surgery and that’s the best place for her right now. Lexa is strong. She was going to be okay. She had to be. 

You reach Raven’s room and Anya nearly hesitates at the door. She must shake whatever she is feeling off because she bursts in. Now its you who is hesitating. You don’t want to interrupt a private moment between Anya and her girlfriend. 

You stay outside until a doctor walks past you and into the room. Awkward or not, you want to hear any news regarding Lexa. Unfortunately, its just Raven’s doctor updating Anya on what’s going on. You listen carefully and try to remember what your mom’s talked to you regarding ortho. Not much. Your mom is a neuro surgeon so she doesn’t really work in orthopedics. You listen as the doctor explains the various screws and pins that now make up Raven’s leg. His joke about metal detectors fall flat. 

While he talks you take in Raven’s appearance. Her eyes are red and she’s slumped in defeat. She looks out the window as Anya asks questions for clarification. She’s holding hands with Anya, well, Anya is holding Raven’s hand and Raven is allowing it. You know she must be feeling a tremendous amount of guilt.

The doctor continues on about recovery plans and projected timelines. He mentions Raven will always walk with a limp and might even need a brace in order to be mobile. Raven doesn’t react to his words. She simply stares outside. The doctor appears to be wrapping up when Anya mentions Lexa. You were staring at Raven but you both whip your head around to the doctor when Anya asks about her status. The doctor hesitates and asks if Anya could step out into the hall with him.

“We are all family, here. Please, speak freely. We would all like to know about my sister.” You’re touched Anya is including you. After all, you and Lexa have only been seeing each other for four months. You feel immense guilt about shutting her out now. You’re trying not to focus on the guilt as you listen to the doctor.

“I’m not assigned to Lexa’s case,” he begins hesitantly. “Dr. Fletcher will be in to brief you shortly.” At Anya’s fierce glare and pleading looks from you and Raven he continues, “But I can tell you that she has the best team working with her now. When they found her she was barely conscious and suffering from hypothermia. She has some minimal fractures which is pretty miraculous but the main concern right now is her head. We are doing everything we can, but we aren’t sure what the damage will be yet. She had some slow internal bleeding that we were able to stop easily. All in all, her injuries were remarkably minimal given the fall she sustained. Raven here had a tougher time regarding broken bones. Lexa’s damage is still extensive, but nearly limited to her head. Initially we were nervous about a spinal injury on both Raven and Lexa, but only Raven’s spine was affected hence her difficult recovery with her leg.”

You glance back at Raven who avoids your gaze. You must have missed the spinal thing when the doctor was talking to Anya initially. 

“How long will Lexa be in surgery?” Anya asks and you face the pair quickly, eager for this information. 

“I don’t know for certain. I will make sure Dr. Fletcher briefs you all on that when she comes in,” he says and with that he is gone. Its just you and Anya and a dejected Raven. Anya quickly moves to Raven’s side and Raven allows Anya to grasp her hand, but she continues to stare out the window. 

You take a seat in the remaining chair and move it back towards the foot of the bed to give Raven some space. Anya rubs her thumb soothingly over Raven’s hand and you stare at the ground. You decide they might want to talk so you mention you’ll be making a coffee run. Anya nods appreciatively and mentions she takes her coffee black. Just like Lexa, you think. Your heart aches at the thought of Lexa. 

You make a trip to the cafeteria to get coffee you know will taste awful. You put more sugar and cream than necessary to try and counteract how terrible it will be and sit down at a table for a minute. You make the call you were hoping to avoid making, but knew you would when you found out Lexa’s main injury was her head. 

Your mom picks up on the fourth ring. When she answers hesitantly, you remember you changed your number for obvious reasons. You haven’t talked to her since a week before you and Octavia left home in practically the middle of the night. 

Your mom is pleasantly surprised to hear from you, but trying not to show it. You roll your eyes at her tone when she starts asking about your whereabouts and mentioning it was reckless behavior to just leave like that. You weren’t on the best of terms with your mom when you left and you doubt much else has changed. But you don’t care about that right now. All you care about now is Lexa. You quickly interrupt your mom’s rant and fill her in on all the details. She asks which hospital you are at and you hesitate. Arlington hospital is famous on this coast. If she finds out where you are so could Finn. Lexa needs you though so you tell her the name. Turns out, she knows head of neuro here and promises to make a call and get back with you. 

You hang up and just sit there with your shitty coffee. Your first conversation with your mom in 6 months could have gone better, but could have gone worse. You just pray she comes up with some new information. You think Raven and Anya will probably appreciate that and order Anya’s coffee before you head back up.

As you approach Anya’s room you hear raised voices. You stop just outside the door in limbo. You have some small news and Anya’s coffee, but you don’t want to interrupt. You try not to listen, but its hard, especially when you hear your name.

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Why is Clarke even here?” Raven all but snaps.

“What do you mean why is Clarke here? Lexa is head over heels in love with this girl. She would want her here! And don’t shut me out now. I think you did enough of that when you went and had surgery without telling me anything while my sister was missing!” Anya’s voice gradually got higher with each statement. Shit. This is not good.

“Clarke was ghosting Lexa. She doesn’t care about her. Lexa was distracted and anxious to get back and check on her because apparently she wasn’t responding. She probably doesn’t even want to be here.”

“Is that why you and Lexa were going so fast? Were you rushing to get home so Lexa could talk to Clarke?” Anya asks and you feel like crying. 

How could you do this to her? Lexa deserves better than what you’ve given her. You pretend to be asleep when she whispers she loves you and then you practically ghost her while she is out of town. She shouldn’t love you. There’s something wrong with you. Just like Finn said whenever he would hit you. You struggle to stay present and not slip into self-loathing that always accompanies such thoughts.

“No. I told you. It was my fault we were going that fast. Fuck, Anya. I told you I don’t want to talk about it!”

At this point you decide to enter the room and clear some things up. While you don’t think you deserve Lexa’s love and kindness, you can’t let her and those closest to her think you don’t care. Lexa is good. She won’t hurt you. Of that you’re sure. Its time you trusted your heart and made some things clear.

You enter the room just as Anya is about to say something. She promptly snaps her mouth shut as you hand her your coffee. You walk to the other side of the room and take a seat. Then it all spills out of you like word vomit. 

Your thoughts about the situation with Lexa. Your insecurities. How much you care about her. You mention that you don’t care what happened out on the road, you just want Lexa to be okay. You briefly mention Finn, but save the details saying that Lexa deserves the story first. All you tell them is that you had a nasty ending to a bad relationship and came to Polis to be free of it. You say how you weren’t expecting to run into Lexa but you did and you couldn’t be happier about it. You cry about how you’re sorry for how you treated her these past few days, but it all just felt like too much at the time. You tell them that this has made you realize you’re in love with Lexa and if they would let you stay, it’ll be the first thing you say to her. 

You realize at some point in your speech tears have gathered in your eyes and have started to run down your cheeks. You hastily brush them away as you continue. You finally make eye contact with the other two occupants in the room and you almost laugh when you do. They appear to be stunned into silence. Naturally, Raven is the first to speak.

“Damn, Griffin. I didn’t know you had it in you to give such a passionate speech. I may have misjudged you. I’m sorry. I don’t know what you heard, but I’m mostly upset with myself,” she says as she turns to Anya. “I should have called you, An. This entire thing is my fault though. I challenged Lexa to a race like we do and she took me up on it. I did’t see the box truck until it was too late. Its all my fault. I’m so sorry.” 

She’s got tears in her eyes and your heart clenches at the knowledge she’s given. Anya’s holding her hand and murmuring comforting words, letting Raven know that nobody blames her. You are quick to nod in agreement, but otherwise you let the two have their moment. When things have calmed down, you mention your mom.

“She’s the best neurosurgeon on the east coast. She knows the head of neuro here and will be calling with any details she can find. She says the head of neuro, Dr. Kurbursky, is the best in this half of the country. She said she will be making some calls and let me know.”

After some quick follow up questions from Anya and Raven, you all settle quietly. After an hour, you begin asking questions about Lexa. Raven is in and out of sleep so its mostly Anya who talks. You find it interesting that Anya only discusses the past nine or so years with Lexa. She doesn’t say anything about Lexa’s childhood. Even when you asked for a high school Lexa story, it was Raven who answered. She mentioned how her and Lexa used to sneak into the Polis Park to listen to the concerts they often hosted there when they couldn’t afford a ticket. She told you about how Lexa was terrible at art and almost flunked her intro to painting course in undergrad for her art elective. You all laughed at that.

After a few more stories two doctors come in and everyone instantly becomes more alert.

“Clarke Griffin. I must say, you look a lot like your father, but I still recognize some Abby in you,” says the older of the two women as she reaches for your hand. “Hi, I’m Dr. Lindsey Kurbursky. I attended medical school with your mother at Harvard. I spoke with your mom and I understand you are here about the patient I just spent the last several hours with, a Miss Lexa Woods, correct?”

“Yes, its nice to meet you. Lexa is my girlfriend and this is Anya Woods, her sister, and Raven who is family and was also involved in the accident.” Later you’ll remember that conversation as the first time you called Lexa your girlfriend. You wring your hands together nervously and Anya moves to stand by your side. 

“Pleasure,” she says as she shakes Anya’s hand and nods at Raven. “Normally, Dr. Fletcher here would brief you on Lexa’s condition, but since Abby called, I thought I would deliver the update personally. Lexa’s surgery went as well as could be expected. She suffered a traumatic brain injury though and the lasting effects of such are substantially unknown as of now. She had some swelling of the brain when she was brought in that was our primary concern. I was able to relieve the pressure in surgery by removing part of her skull at the back of her head and fixing some ruptured cells and clots. Thankfully, they found her in shallow water. The coldness of the water, while it contributed to her hypothermia she suffered, it also effectively kept her body cool and reduced some of the swelling. For instances like this, we often induce controlled hypothermia as an option for treating a traumatic brain injury so she’s really quite lucky to have survived. At this time, its unclear if her brain was cut off from oxygen long enough to cause long-term side effects, but she did suffer a mini stroke on the table. Currently, she’s being moved to a room for strict monitoring. I can assure you as I assured Abby, I will be taking an active interest in Lexa’s recovery and she will be in the best around-the-clock care while she is here. Now, I will leave you with Dr. Fletcher who can update you on Lexa’s other injuries. Take care.”

You and Anya dazedly shook her hand and watched her leave. You’re trying to process all that was said, but you don’t even know where to begin. Dr. Fletcher gives you three a moment before she gently clears her throat. You turn your attention to her and brace yourself again for what you’re sure is an extensive list of injuries. 

Turns out, Lexa has a fractured wrist, some out of place ribs, and a broken ankle, but is relatively okay. Her head took the worst of it. She’s being moved to a room on floor eight within the hour given her injuries require her to be monitored more than Raven. 

After some deliberation and some arguing, Raven has finally convinced Anya to join you in Lexa’s room to wait. Raven says she was just going to fall asleep anyways. You can tell Anya is torn and offer to text her the second Lexa is in, but Raven pretends to fake snore and so Anya moves away with a chuckle and a gentle kiss to her girlfriend’s cheek. 

Now, it’s just you and Anya in an empty room. Waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the feedback so if you so inclined, drop a comment letting me know what you think!
> 
> All mistakes are mine. Apologies in advance for the typos!
> 
> Much love, fam.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is left alone with her thoughts while Lexa is in a medically induced coma. A phone call changes her mind about some things.

After awhile Lexa is wheeled in and nurses work to get her settled in by attaching IVs and monitors to her. You grab a hold of her chart and read the information there. You double majored in a pre-med program and art in undergrad so you know the basics. Plus, your mom groomed you for medical school and would often teach you random, general medical knowledge. You relay what you can to Anya who has moved to Lexa’s side now that the nurses have cleared out. You sit in the chair near Lexa’s head to her right. You delicately reach out and hold her hand. You don’t know why but you expected it to be cold. Its not. Instead its warm and familiar. 

You grasp it gently, afraid of causing some unknown pain to Lexa. You rub your thumb soothingly on the back of Lexa’s hand. You take comfort in feeling her pulse at her wrist. Despite the monitor keeping you apprised of her heartbeat, feeling her pulse yourself keeps you calm. 

The doctor mentioned they had put her in a medically induced coma to allow her body, specifically, her brain to heal so Anya leaves you alone with Lexa after some time to go check on Raven. With Anya gone you take stock of Lexa's condition. You can see where they’ve shaved her head in the back and cut into her. You take this time to take stock of what you can see. She’s got some scrapes on her arms, but its hard to tell how much with all the tattoos. You trace the mostly black ink softly with your fingers. 

They’ve become so familiar to you, the tattoos. You love tracing them by candlelight when Lexa is sleepy. You enjoy raising goosebumps on her back and arms as you gently glide over the ink. Sometimes you can’t believe you get the privilege of seeing them and being with her in that way. You love her tattoos. Each one seems to tell a story. Its a piece of Lexa. She’s hesitant to talk about some and with you’re past, you’re more than understanding. But she’s told you about a few and you love learning each new thing about her. 

You want her to wake up so you can tell her that. You want to tell her how much you love her tattoos. Or how much you love hearing about her past. Or how much you appreciate all of her small gestures. Like when she has coffee or pizza delivered to the gallery when you work late. You want to tell her how you love her soft smile and how comfortable you are in her embrace. You want to tell her how loved she makes you feel. You want to tell her you love her. You should have said something. 

The longer you sit there alone with your thoughts, the darker your thoughts get. You’re kicking yourself for ignoring Lexa. You barely spoke to her and now you might not get the chance to. Now that she’s out of surgery its easy to imagine that everything is fine now. You know better than that though. Your mom is a neurosurgeon. You know exactly how critical the next 12 hours can be. You recall that the doctor mentioned Lexa had a small stroke on the operating table. You’re not even sure what version of the girl you love you’ll get when she wakes up. If she wakes up, you think. 

God, you hate hospitals. They bring nothing but pain. Before you can reflect on all times hospitals have negatively impacted you, your phone rings. You see its your mother’s number calling and for a second you consider not answering. You want to discuss treatment though and possible side effects for Lexa so you answer.

You talk with your mom about Lexa’s chart and her recovery options. She mentions the stroke Lexa suffered may impact her speech and different types of therapy she may need to make use of. Its a fairly straightforward phone call. That is until she asks you where you are living. You dodge the question and you know your mom is hurt by that. You begin to feel bad and consider telling her some details until your mom hands your phone off to the reason you snuck out in the middle of the night with Octavia. 

“Hey, its Clarke. Do you want to talk to her?” 

“Hi, princess. How are you?” Finn asks. His voice seems jovial, but you better than anyone know Finn can put on the charm. He’s all about saving face and keeping up appearances. Its one of the reasons you felt as if you had to flee your family and friends. Nobody really believed you when you mentioned Finn’s fits of anger. Only Octavia. She was the only one on your side. She’s even stopped communicated with her own brother because of his close friendship with Finn. 

“Finn.” Its all you can say. You feel as if all the blood has drained from your face. Just his voice is making a sweat break out across your skin. 

“Bet you didn’t think you would hear from me again, did you babe? You’re lucky your mom has walked away to tend to a patient. Do you have any idea how embarrassing it was to wake up and find all your shitty paintings and stupid clothes gone from our apartment? Do you have a fucking clue about how I had to make up excuses when people would ask about you? You made me look like a fucking idiot, princess. And that just won’t do. I’m going to find you. You’re going to fix this mess you left me in. You owe me, princess. I already knew you were on the west coast. And now, I know you’re near Arlington. The second I swipe the name off the scans your mom’s friend sent, I’ll have Bell run a background check and find out what town. See you soon, princess,” he says and you feel like you can’t breathe. 

“Oh, Abby, Clarke wants to speak to you.” His voice has changed back to happy and carefree. Meanwhile, you feel faint. He’s coming for you. You hang up the phone before your mom even says a word. You’re out of your chair and grabbing your coat in record time. You’re leaving. You can’t stay. Finn will find you. You refuse to let that happen. 

Lexa. Shit. You can’t leave Lexa. Not like this. But Finn will stop at nothing to have you back. He’ll hurt Lexa. You know he will. He was always so possessive and at his most destructive when he felt threatened. You imagine the woman you’re in love with will cause him to lose it. You need to leave. You won’t let him hurt her. You can’t let that happen. Your own happiness doesn’t matter at this point. You love her so you’ll leave her. You have to save her. 

You kiss her on the forehead and whisper an ‘I love you’ against her skin. You want to cry when you think about how she did that to you just a few days ago. Your heart aches at the thought that you’ll never hear her say those words to you again. You nearly crumble at the thought that you’ll never get to say them back. She will wake up to a world with you gone. She will think you weren’t interested and that you left her. She won’t know how you feel. She will wake up thinking you don’t love her. 

With tears quickly gathering in your eyes, you look back one more time at the woman you’ve fallen for and then you walk out of her room. You don’t look back a second time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos are cool, but I love hearing about your thoughts.
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes!
> 
> Much love.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa wakes up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lexa POV is first and then we briefly switch to a Clarke POV

Lexa POV

You're thirsty. That's the first thing you register as you slowly come into consciousness. Your body feels stiff and aches in places you didn't even know could ache. You feel similar to the one and only time you got your ass kicked in a kickboxing tournament nearly a decade ago. You open your eyes and register the awful lighting and the bland room to be that of a hospital. You also notice that you are completely alone. You frown. That’s weird. Surely someone should be here. 

You just lay there for a bit in an attempt to get your bearings and assess the damage. You're trying to figure out why you feel as though you've been hit with a truck. Shit! It all comes rushing back to the surface of your mind. The box truck. The bridge. The water. Raven. Oh my god. 

You need to find Raven. Your eyes start watering as you remember the horrific way Raven fell from the bridge and you fumble to rip the various things connected to you away. With the tears gathering in your eyes though, you can't see anything properly so its a slow, but frantic process. You're just about to take out your IV and get up when cool hands stop you. You didn't even register you were almost sobbing until someone is soothing you and telling you its all okay. You calm down under their careful ministrations and blink away the blurriness until a face comes into focus. Clarke. 

Her eyes are red from past tears, but shiny with new ones. There are deep circles under her eyes like she hasn't had a proper night's sleep in awhile. She's gently squeezing your hand while her other hand cups your face, thumb brushing away any stray tears. You can't believe she's here. She looks so pretty even if she is currently crying. You reach for her shirt with what you have noted to be your good arm, grab a fistful, and pull. Clarke's quick reflexes stop her from landing on you though, which you're sure is for the best if your chest and ribs have a say, but you feel a pout form on your face. 

She simply chuckles and kisses you gently on the forehead, before removing your grip from her shirt and taking a seat in a chair next to your bed. She scoots as close as possible and takes your hand again. You're grateful for that. You're not typically a clingy person, but at the moment the thought of Clarke not being here with you nearly brings tears to your eyes again. 

"Raven," your croak.

"She's here and she's relatively okay all things considered. Anya is with her now, but is due up here any minute. She can better give you a rundown of Raven's status. I actually need to text her you're awake," she says as she moves away from you. You don't let go of her hand even though it would end her struggling as she reaches around in a bag on the floor for her phone. You watch as she types a quick text with one hand all the while her thumb strokes the back of your hand she's holding. 

"Why are you here?" you ask suddenly as you remember the events leading up to the accident. You watch her face fall and she looks like she might cry. You begin to feel like an ass, but you think you deserve some answers. Clarke didn't seem much interested in you after you left her a few days ago. Shit, was that a few days ago? How long have you been out of it? You take a deep breath and try to get your thoughts in order. One thing at a time, Lexa, you tell yourself. 

You want to know what happened to make Clarke distance herself, first. Its probably a silly thing to want given your current situation, but you don’t care. Later in life you’ll reflect that you never did much care about anything except Clarke when things weren’t right with the two of you.

 "Don't get me wrong, I want you here. I pretty much always want you with me. But you seemed to want little to do with me after I left for the trip," you say as calmly as possible trying to will the hurt from your voice. You don't think you were successful as you feel your bottom lip tremble. 

She looks away from you then, but not before you see the guilt flash across her face. You just want to understand. Did you do something wrong? Did she decide you weren't worth the trouble? Everything was going so well between you. You fell in love with her and you thought she felt something similar.

Clarke opens her mouth to respond, but whatever she was going to say will have to wait because your sister busts into the room and is by your side in a flash. Anya’s asking question after question about how you're feeling and what still hurts, but you're saved from answering by the arrival of two doctors. 

The older doctor introduces herself and mentions knowing Clarke's mom. At that piece of information you are quickly glancing at the blonde who has since shifted away from you after Anya's arrival and currently looks sad, but mostly nervous. Clarke avoids your gaze and you're about ready to snap if you don't get some answers about her behavior soon. 

After a quick introduction the younger doctor begins asking you questions such as what you remember last and what month and year it is. Clarke is very aware you remember most things leading up to the accident, but the other three women in the room seem to breathe easier as you calmly answer each question accurately. 

The main doctor who is apparently good friends with Clarke's mom begins discussing what you experienced and what was done to you upon arrival. She also asks what you remember from the accident. You're startled to learn that you were missing throughout the night, just under 12 hours total. At the mention of your traumatic brain injury and the life saving surgery, your hand automatically reaches up to touch the back of your head, but a familiar hand on your wrist halts that action. You glance at Clarke who threads your fingers with hers, but ultimately stays turned away from you, facing the doctor. 

You answer all the questions about how you're feeling now before the doctor launches into the recovery process and what you can expect. She mentions how lucky you are about nineteen times and that your helmet saved your life. Anya makes a snappy comment about how you and Raven will be wearing your helmets at all times no matter how short the trip and you feel yourself shrink as piercing blue eyes snap to yours. Shit. Clarke and Anya both look irritated. You feel like a toddler being scolded. 

You fight your urge to pout as you register the nurse who just walked in gave you more pain medication. The doctor seems to have wrapped up. Maybe you should have paid more attention, but you know Anya will fill you in on anything you missed. You just woke up from a short coma after all. You're sure you get a pass or two. You quickly begin to feel drowsy as if you're drunk, but you fight the drugs entering your system. 

You know its a losing battle and you feel the panic rise in your chest. You begin to mumble about not wanting to rest. Your sister seems confused by your behavior and mentions you just need to relax and she will be there when you wake up. That does nothing to alleviate the panic crawling its way in your chest. If you sleep now, a certain blonde might be decide to leave. Clarke, so in tune with your thoughts and emotions, squeezes the hand she still holds until you turn to look at her. 

"Lexa, Anya and I will both be here when you wake up, okay? Rest now. It's all going to be okay," Clarke says in a voice so soothing you want to fall asleep to it every night for the rest of your life. You shake your head quickly back and forth which makes you wince, but you continue to fight to keep your eyes open. You won't fall asleep and miss an opportunity to get some answers. Clarke could be gone next time you wake up. You refuse to let that happen.

"Baby, listen to me," Clarke pleads. The pet name seems to calm you instantly. You find yourself settle in the familiarity of it. Clarke's dropped your hand but you can't complain since both of her hands are on either side of your face, gently forcing you to look at her. "I promise you. I will be right here when you wake up. We can talk then, okay?" You find yourself weakly nodding as her eyes seem concerned, but her face turns stern. "Good," she says. "Now, please relax and go to sleep. You need your rest, Lex."

As her hands leave your face, your good arm swings up to catch one of hers. You clumsily thread your fingers together anchoring her to you. You mumble 'stay' and finally allow yourself to drift off.

**Clarke's POV ******

You're glancing at her with concern, but you can't really fault Lexa for her reaction. Lexa thinks you're going to leave her. She probably thinks a lot worse than that, you think with a frown as you replay your interactions with her of the past thirty or so minutes and then consider your very limited interactions during her trip. Your musings are interrupted by a clearing of the throat. A quick glance to Anya confirms that she wants answers. 

With an eyebrow raised Anya begins, "So do you mind telling me why my sister is convinced you are going to leave her? Does this have anything to do with what happened two days ago?"

Shit, you think. Two days ago you rushed out of Lexa's room determined to never see her again in order to keep her safe. Finn is unhinged and you would rather go back to that shitty life of getting hit for no reason than put Lexa in danger like that. After all, you saw what Finn did to Wells and he was just your friend. 

You're weak though. Weak for Lexa. You made it to a bench located in the park that sits across the street from the hospital where you quickly broke down. You couldn't leave Lexa. You loved her. You're selfish, you know, but you can't help yourself. You never were good at giving up things you wanted. And you wanted Lexa. You wanted sleepy kisses and long walks. You wanted warm embraces and silly arguments. You wanted it all with Lexa. You couldn’t walk away from her now.

You walked back into the hospital with shaky hands and tears in your eyes, but with a renewed determination. You were going to sit at Lexa's bedside and tell her everything when she woke up and was ready to hear it. You were going to explain and beg for forgiveness.

You were going to tell Lexa you love her and open up about your past. Lexa needed to know what kind of monsters you left behind and what demons could be coming after her because of you. You were going to give her the choice. You both deserved that. If Lexa wanted you gone, fine, but you would at least give her the option. You weren't going to make that choice for her.

On your way back to Lexa's room, you bumped into Anya. After assuring Anya that Lexa was okay, she easily shifted her concern and focused on you. She guided you to the cafeteria and bought you a coffee and waited patiently for you to calm down. Who knew the scariest Woods was a giant softy who was equal parts understanding and soothing? Not that you would ever mention it to her. After all, you’re still slightly terrified of her. 

You didn't tell Anya much and she didn't push beyond asking if there was anything she could do. She was so sincere and seemed so much like Lexa in that moment you considered telling her everything then. You refrained though and asked if she would give you time to sort your thoughts and that you wanted to speak with Lexa first. 

She accepted that answer and asked if you wanted to grab a quick bite to eat mentioning that Lexa wasn't going to be off sedation for a couple days and Raven had already fallen asleep. You agreed to go for food and the conversation between the two of you remained light as you took the time to get to know Anya and her family better. 

Now though, Anya's severe look indicates she is willing to push for answers and you suppose you can't blame her for that. She's been through a lot. You all have. And she just witnessed her sister fight the drowsiness resulting from the medication because she's panicked at the thought of you leaving while she sleeps.

With a deep breath you begin, "I have an ex-fiancé. His name is Finn Collins. I was introduced to him by my mom since he works as a scrub nurse at the same hospital as her. I left him and my family in the middle of the night two days after he broke three of my ribs..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously, the story isn't complete here. I have a lot of this series mapped out and pieces of it already written. You'll get a conclusion to all of this, that much is guaranteed. What isn't set in stone, is how I give you that conclusion. I value your input as readers so you may dictate how this plays out. The story won't change, but when you get the information is all up in the air. Below I have explained the two options for this series as I see it.
> 
> Originally (Option 1), I was going to wrap up this story in a new part to the "Bumps in the road" series that is a deep dive into the Finn issue. In the beginning of that part (aka Chapter 1), I planned to wrap up the "High Speeds" story with a look at both Raven and Lexa's recovery. However, that part would be brief. The Finn story line will be longer than any of the previous parts to this so I won't be spending much time on the recovery process for two of our favorites. However, because of how much time I want to put into the Finn story, updates will be coming a lot less frequently.
> 
> Option 2, I wrap up "High Speeds" in a 6th and final chapter while keeping you relatively in the dark about Clarke's past. I've given hints and teased things here and there, but I won't say much else in the final chapter. However, with this option, I will likely not make the next part I publish the Clarke backstory. My reason for that is this, Clarke's story of Finn will take some time to write. My current life right now is more suitable to shorter stories. I want to give the Finn thing the time and dedication it deserves, so I likely won't be writing that for awhile if I do this option. So if you want more stories, relatively quickly, you'll want this option. 
> 
> I recognize this was an obnoxiously long author's note and for that I apologize. Anyways, let me know in the comments! I'll take all comments into consideration so make your arguments for what you want more, but ultimately, that decision is mine to make.
> 
> Much love, everyone!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conclusion of this story. Clexa finally talks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anya's POV is up first, but its brief. Anya is my MVP for this series. I don't anticipate I will write from any point of views but Clexa's going forward, but I couldn't resist writing from Anya's in this.
> 
> The rest is written in Clarke's POV.

You place a gentle kiss on your girlfriend’s cheek and murmur that you’ll be back soon as she smiles sleepily at you. You walk down the hall to the elevators on autopilot. So much has happened in the last five or so days. It’s hard for you to wrap your head around it all. You’re not sure who you’re more worried about. On the one hand, Raven’s future looks like it will be filled with a chronic pain she will have to manage. On the other hand, Lexa’s condition seems to be stable for now, but brain injuries are tricky and nobody has guaranteed anything in regards to her recover. And on top of all that, a certain blonde you’ve grown attached to is being haunted by her past. 

You enter your sister’s room and smile at the two sleeping occupants. Clarke is curled gingerly around Lexa who you have no doubt convinced the blonde to join her. Your sister was in love for the second time in her life and unlike the last one, you have a good feeling about this particular blonde. You have never seen anyone connect so quickly or easily with Lexa before. Even Raven, who shares this special bond with Lexa because of their experiences, has never been so in sync with Lex. But Clarke, she is special, just as your sister told you after their first date. 

Your smile fades when you think of everything that Clarke has been through. You knew she had a troubled past. From your conversations with Lexa, you both deduced Clarke had a few skeletons in her closet. You were shocked with just how awful those skeletons were. Your blood boils with the thought of all that Clarke has endured. You shudder to think what Lexa must be feeling. 

You know Clarke told Lexa pretty much everything two days ago and you’re nervous about that. Lexa is fiercely protective over those she loves and Clarke most definitely falls into that category. You’re worried if Clarke’s past comes looking for her, your sister will meet that challenge head on. You’re more worried, though, about Lexa recovering and traveling across the country to sort the problem out before it even reaches Clarke. Yeah, that seems more likely than Lexa waiting for this Finn guy to get near her girlfriend. 

Lexa will always attack first when feeling threatened. She’s smart in her attack though, but you’d still like to avoid anything that could negatively impact your sister, like jail time. You know if push comes to shove you’ll support Lexa and be right there with her. Not only would you want to support your sister, but you feel a soft spot forming for this blonde who entered your life via your sister four months ago. 

You decide to call in a favor. You have an ex-girlfriend who works for the FBI and she owes you one. You’ll have her quietly check out Mr. Collins. If there is to be a showdown between your sister and Finn, you want to be armed with as much information as possible. You grab your phone and dial Echo.

Clarke POV

You wake up with a stiff neck and an arm you can’t feel because of how you’re laying on Lexa’s hospital bed. Your girlfriend sleeps on unbothered as you slip quietly from the too small bed. A quick trip to the restroom and a brief stop by Raven’s room and you’re back in the chair you’ve become way too familiar with. You grab your sketchbook and continue your drawing. Its rough, but that’s what you were going for with this one. You’ve drawn more realistic ones of your girlfriend, but this one is rough around the edges and you like it because that’s how you feel at the moment. This past week has been hard, but you’re determined to see yourself through it. You can overcome this, especially with Lexa by your side. As you lazily continue your sketch you reflect on the second time Lexa woke up a few hours after you had cried and struggled through your story with her sister.

Two days ago…

Lexa had woken up and immediately asked for you. Anya scoffed and made a comment about being a nobody while you smiled softly and held Lexa’s hand. After some quick, small talk, Anya graciously left you and Lexa alone. You could cut the tension with a knife, but Lexa seemed unperturbed by the awkwardness and calmly waited for you to begin talking. Even without words, you understand Lexa so well. She would wait quietly and patiently for you to be ready, but she needed the next words out of your mouth to be answers. 

“I’m sorry,” you started, “I was scared and behaved badly. I never should have tried to distance myself from you. I couldn’t stand the thought of hurting you and I was miserable as well, but I was so caught up in my own fears, I thought I was doing what was best.”

You glance at her as you finish and you want to shrink back from the impassiveness you see there. Its your fault she looks like that. You’ve grown used to Lexa looking at you with kindness in her eyes and it almost physically hurts you to see those eyes you so love drawing and painting staring at you with so little emotion. You force yourself to maintain eye contact with her though. Finally, Lexa seems to react.

“What did I do that scared you?” Lexa asked in a small, quiet voice.

You debate how you want to answer before you say, “I heard you. When you left that morning and you kissed my forehead. I heard you and I wasn’t ready. I was a mess on the inside and I decided to try and protect my heart because of my past. But I was stupid. Truth is, I love you too. And I wish I had opened my eyes and told you that before you left. I could have lost you this week and you wouldn’t have known that I love you too.”

As you spoke you watched Lexa’s features go through several different emotions. At first she seemed to pale when you said you heard her and then she seemed concerned, but now, now she seems a little bit in awe. 

“You love me?” Lexa asks you quietly with hope shining in her eyes. 

“Yes, Lexa, I love you. And I know I’m the reason we’ve been taking this slow and gone without labels, but I love you and I want the world to know it. I want you to be my girlfriend. I know its fast and I have been hesitant, but I just spent the last four days by your bedside, worried about you, and there is nowhere else I would rather be. So if you’ll have me, I want to be your girlfriend. But first, there’s something you need to know.”

You spent the next couple of hours getting through your story. Lexa was attentive and so very caring. You watched her jaw clench during certain parts all the while her hand holding yours gave you some comfort. You still can’t believe someone like her is in your life. You never thought you would find this. Someone who loves you for all your flaws and would do anything for you. Lexa was pretty angry at the end and despite the awful situation she is in, her condition didn’t allow her to try and do something crazy, like confront your ex-fiancé. 

You don’t want Lexa near Finn. You just wanted her aware of what she might potentially be dealing with if she decides to commit to you. When you asked Lexa, after you finished telling her about Finn, if she would still want to be with you, you didn’t anticipate her reaction. She seemed angry, but for the first time since you started telling her about your past she was mad at you. 

“Clarke, how could you ask me that?” Lexa asks. She seems hurt and that’s the last thing you want. Your gaze falls away from hers as you think about her question. She sighs before continuing, “Listen, I knew that trust was difficult for you. I can definitely understand that. I just thought that perhaps I had shown you how much you mean to me. I would never hurt you. Please, let me in. Let me take care of you. Let me love you, Clarke.”

“I want to, Lex. I do. I’ve asked so much of you, but please, be patient with me. I love you. I don’t want to lose you.”

The rest of that night was spent learning more about each other. The topics stayed lighter, but you did learn a bit more about young Lexa and Raven. 

You’re brought of your thoughts from earlier in the week by Lexa waking up. She groans as she wakes up and you’re quick to ask if she needs more pain medication. Lexa is now in charge of requesting her own medication. So if she feels like she needs a dose, she can push a button for that. She hasn’t pushed the button in a day and a half and you’re pretty exasperated with her in the fondest way. You roll your eyes remembering Lexa explaining that pain meds are for the ‘weak’. 

“Hey,” Lexa practically croaks at you as she reaches with her good arm for some water. “What are you drawing?” Lexa asks gesturing to your sketch book. You blush as you look down at the sketch of your girlfriend. You still haven’t shown Lexa your art. You’re afraid of what she will think. Finn used to make fun of you for it. He once burned a piece you were commissioned to do because you corrected him in public. Despite that, you know its ridiculous for you to think Lexa would ever think that about you or your art. You hand over your sketchbook and watch anxiously as Lexa flips through your illustrations. Nearly all of them are of her and show little snapshots of your memories together the past four months are so. Some are of her bartending though when you were just pining after her. 

You don’t think you’ve ever been so nervous for someone to view your work. Lexa holds the sketchbook like its the most precious thing in the world. She flips through the pages slowly, taking each sketch in before moving on to the next one. You fidget in your seat glancing at Lexa every so often. She seems to be taking her time and you grow nervous the longer you wait. Her face shows barely any emotion. A couple of times her breath catches and you think that’s probably a good thing. She closes the book and places it carefully on the table next to the bed. 

“I knew you would be talented, but I wasn’t prepared for that. You’re an amazing artist, Clarke.”

“Thank you. I promise once we are back in Polis I will take you to my studio. Maybe we can paint together. I heard you took intro to painting in undergrad. How’d that go?” 

You can’t stop a smile from forming as Lexa’s jaw drops. She groans Anya’s name and you laugh at her forlorn expression. You joke about giving her some finger-paints she can play with while she pouts on the bed. Its in this moment that, despite the circumstances, you feel yourself heal under Lexa’s warm gaze. You’re going to be okay. No matter what comes next, you’re going to be okay because you have Lexa and she has you.

“I love you, Lexa.”

“As I love you, Clarke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Option 2 won out. It made sense to give this story a proper ending. Next part of the series likely won't be the Finn thing. I'm actually still trying to decide between three different short stories. I just don't know which one I want to post first. 
> 
> As always, comments are appreciated. I enjoy hearing your thoughts and listening to any input of where you want the story to go.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thoughts and comments are appreciated. 
> 
> Much love.


End file.
